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THEREFORE I AM: Lucy? Can a cat really hold a football?
I've had a fair number of pets in my lifetime. That's the nice thing about animals — they don't live too long. After about 10 years or so, the pet dies and you get to go window shopping for a new one. Sure it's sad, but there's nothing like a brand new puppy or kitten to make you forget ol' what's-his-name.
Since nearly all of my conversational knowledge is pulled directly from the picto-graphs found in the lower-left corners of USA Today, I thought I'd share this little nugget I read recently: There's a very good chance that your new pet is named Lucy. If it's not your pet, it's probably the pet of the guy sitting next to you. Lucy was one of the most popular pet names in 2008, and it doesn't matter if your pet is a cat or a dog because Lucy made the top five in both categories.
I know, I know. Lucy?
Being a child of the '70s, I can't hear the name Lucy without thinking of that filthy little black-haired liar who always promised not to pull the football out from Charlie Brown. No wonder Chuck was a dimwit loser — he must have suffered at least 30 subdural hematomas from landing on his head after missing all those kicks. Poor kid.
Vengeful place-kicking notwithstanding, Lucy is the most popular cat name in 2008, and Lucy was the fifth-most popular dog name that year. That's what the folks at Petfinder say, and I suppose they ought to know since they presumably spend all that time walking around neighborhoods yelling, "Here, Lucy, Lucy! Here, Lucy! Come on home, girl!"
Lucy's the only name on both lists, which I find interesting. Pet names are different than baby names because pet names often are independent of gender. You very rarely meet a person named Oreo or Shadow, but those names both made the top 10 in cat names. I suppose Oreo and Shadow are the Pat and Taylor in the pet world — they can go either way, blue or pink.
For the record, and in case you're naming a pet in 2009 and want to avoid mass confusion at the vet's office, here are 2008's top names for dogs: Buddy, Max, Daisy, Jack, Lucy, Charlie, Sadie, Jake and Lucky. The top cat names are decidedly prissier: Lucy, Molly, Oreo, Kittens, Smokey, Princess, Shadow, Tigger, Angel and Missy.
Speaking of the vet's office, are you comfortable with the vet adding your surname to your pet? I walk with my dog on a leash and the guy behind the counter asks, "Is this Norm Spates?" Anytime I hear "Norm Spates," just for an instant I think to myself, "Who in the world is Norm Spates? I wonder if we're related." We call our dog just Norm. We're pretty informal around the house, but apparently when he's out on the town he needs a first and last name. I'm surprised they don't use titles. "Mr. Spates, your toilet water is chilled just the way you like it. Bon appetit."
I'm sure some people give their dogs middle names too. I just hope those people don't come to my house for dinner. It could get ugly.
I like dogs OK, but I prefer cats. They fit my temperament better. A cat is like a really cool roommate that you can hang out with when you both feel like it. Whereas a dog demands your attention, a cat can take it or leave it. I admire that. I appreciate a little attitude and indifference in my pets.
Also, you can leave a cat in the house while you're away for a weekend. They sleep 22 hours a day anyway, so what do they care? Fill up the food and water dishes, clean out the litter pan, and you're good to go. See you Sunday night.
I've heard some people — cat owners and dog owners alike — say that their pets are their "children," and that rubs me the wrong way. Children are children, and pets are pets. As a parent and a pet owner, I have no problem remembering which is which.
Just ask my 7-year-old daughter, Snowball Spates, and my 6-year-old son, Fido Spates. They're out in the back yard licking themselves.
David Spates is a Knoxville resident and Crossville Chronicle contributor whose column is published each Tuesday. He can be reached at davespates@tds.net.
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