LION AND THE LAMB: Bump in the evolutionary road

Columns

March 4, 2009

By Bob Hoyt / Chronicle contributor The Crossville Chronicle Wed Mar 04, 2009, 01:09 PM CST

The Cub was reading the Sunday funnies. The Kid was perusing the editorial page. “Here’s a letter from a vegetarian,” the Kid mused. “She’s upset because when she was a child her parents butchered pigs and hunted deer. She wants humans to stop killing other animals and eating them without understanding what she calls ‘the bloody horror’ it takes to turn millions of animals into the meat for their tables.”

The Cub shook his funnies and gave the Kid a cynical glance. “That will never happen!” he snarled.

The Kid grumbled back a taunting response, “You say that only because you eat other animals!”

“What am I supposed to eat?” the Cub said. “Don’t tell me I should chew on grocery bags, corn shucks and blackberry briars like you do? Anyway, people around here don’t eat tigers.”

The Kid complained about that. “Are you saying that goats don’t have the same rights as tigers?”

The Cub ignored the Kid and turned back to the funnies. The Kid read on. “This vegetarian says that humans will evolve into herbivores who will look back on these times as barbaric.”

The Cub was becoming irritated by the Kid’s interruptions. “Herby-who?” he demanded.

“Herbivores,” the Kid repeated. “Animals that live on plants, like I do.”

The Cub snorted. “What do you know about meat? Did you ever taste a juicy mouse steak?” the Cub demanded.

“Definitely not!” the Kid said. “How disgusting! My ancestors evolved to eat plants, not to prey on others.” They were quiet for a while as they continued to read.

“Don’t you understand evolution?” the Kid continued.

“What does evolution have to do with us?” the Cub retorted.

The Kid assumed a pompous, tutorial demeanor. “Old ways wear out. New ways slowly develop. To survive, life must change to adapt to the environment,” he answered. “Evolution is not a path for predetermined change. Each new generation slowly modifies how a species grows and lives with changing climate, population density and the environment. Those who survive pass new traits on to their offspring. Genes of parents are not the only influence. Genes from long past generations also influence change. I’m more evolved than you because my ancestors ate plants.”

The Cub laughed. “That’s a big jump! You couldn’t survive one summer night without a donkey in your pasture to chase off coyotes! Some animals eat other animals. Some animals look out for others. It has always been that way. Anyone who thinks that will change needs a brain tune-up.”

“The woman who wrote the letter,” the Kid shot back, “says that humans have learned to build nations and negotiate boundaries and control populations. They no longer need to fight and kill to survive. But she says human evolution took a turn toward barbarity eons back and humans need to get off that road. So should you!”

The Cub growled back. “Whose barbarity? You’ve made up a new way of life for me because you read a balmy idea from some prissy reformer. Eating meat may be barbaric to you, but it’s ‘natural order’ for me. I didn’t invent the system. It’s not up to me to change it. Why shouldn’t I eat a fledgling quail when I can catch one that has survived? Who cares if they get extinguished?”

The Kid was angry. “Who will the big carnivores eat when all the little herbivores are all eaten? Who will the humans kill when no humans are left?”

The Cub purred softly. “That’s reality, like it or not.”

The Kid was horrified. “The world should be better than that!”

The Cub agreed. “Maybe so, but you shouldn’t mess with a hungry tiger, not even a cub, if you’re a goat. And you better hide if you see a hungry human carrying a salt shaker, waving a sharp knife and muttering, ‘bon appétit.’ He may need a whole lot more evolution than you think before he’s ready to switch to turnips and grits.”

This column is sponsored by Cumberland Countians for Peace and Justice, an organization composed of representatives from various churches in the area, and dedicated by the local writers to the theme that the lion and the lamb can and must learn to live together and grow in their relationship toward one another to ensure a better world. Opinions expressed in “Lion and the Lamb” columns are not necessarily those of the Crossville Chronicle publisher, editor or staff. For more information, contact Emerson Abts, editor, at 277-5101.

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