ABACKUS COLUMN: We don't Bling, but we could Blang

Glade Sun

February 21, 2007

By Larry Backus / dfbackus@aol.com The Crossville Chronicle Wed Feb 21, 2007, 02:21 PM CST

By now, all of you hip, senior advantaged, Glade residents have heard of Bling H2O bottled water and the catch phrase for swingers like us, "Do you Bling?"

My wife alerted me to a Fox News segment about Bling while she was tread-milling at the Wellness Center. Water for $38 a bottle! The last time I checked my monthly water bill it was closer to half that much and that was after I filled the fish pond. After research I learned a Hollywood writer-producer named Kevin G. Boyd came up with the inspiration to develop BlingH2O in 2005. He noticed the brand of bottled water film stars carry while working was becoming a status symbol. He reasoned that a "Rolls Royce" of bottled water was needed in image-conscious, status-seeking Los Angeles. In 2006, Bling won the Clear Choice Award for the best non-carbonated glass packaging. The limited edition frosted glass bottle is adorned with genuine Swarovski crystals (I don't know Swarovski either, but he is apparently making big bucks). A new Beverly Hills Bling boutique has opened on Santa Monica Blvd. where you can buy crystal festooned apparel, accessories and a bottle of water for $38. CNN Money.com writer Jeanne Sahadi recently wrote of Bling in a piece titled "5 signs you have too much money." Her comments included "sipping pure prestige; couture water; not for everyone, just those that Bling; the drink of choice these days among high-end tee-totalers in L.A." TV's Entertainment Tonight noticed Bling when Jamie Foxx, Paris Hilton, Bono, Shaquille O'Neal and Mariah Carey each flashed a bottle. The Louis Vuitton store in Paris serves it to selected clientele. Where do you think this watery gold comes from? Why the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee, where else?

Without doubt there is need for a more subtle and definitively "aged" bottle of water. BlingH2O sounds more like a Ferrari than a Rolls Royce. A more sophisticated drink is the new BlangH2O. Blang comes in two flavors with a hint of either oak or hickory smoke, reminiscent of the renowned Jack Daniels distilleries of Tennessee. The crystal clear water emanates from the Springs of Dartmoor, located in the celebrated Fairfield Glade Resort on the beautiful Cumberland Plateau. Blang aficionados such as Paul Newman, Clint Eastwood, Tony Bennet, Lauren Bacall, Julie Andrews and Barbara Wawa, er, Walters, have been seen drinking the sexy new BlangH2O. The Blang bottle is fashioned of recycled Coca Cola bottles and comes shrink wrapped resting upon a Crab Orchard sandstone coaster. At a mere $480 for a case of 12, you can save a bit on the restaurant price of a bottle. Interviewed recently, Walter Cronkite was effusive about Blang, "Blang not only furnished my recreation room with beautiful sandstone coasters but has rejuvenated my sex life. I've ditched Viagra." Sean Connery agreed to a major advertising campaign for Blang with ads in AARP magazine, Golf Digest, and a massive TV campaign that will debut during the 2008 Super Bowl. "Bond, James Bond." "And your middle name, Mr. Bond?" "Blang, James Blang Bond, agent H2007." And everyone is humming Dolly Parton's rendition of "Blang Goes the Strings of My Heart."

At $45 a bottle, the co-op formed by Fairfield Glade residents, coughing up an initial $5,000 investment, recently broke ground on a new Blang Hills Country Club estimated to cost $130 million. Resident memberships have gained in value because only BlangH2O is served by the Fairfield Glade food service division. A lottery is required due to the number of applications to bid on lots for Fairfield Glade membership, the current price for a Glade lot ranges from $50,000 to $12 million. The president of the board of Fairfield Glade stated recently, "I wish I had sent $5,000 to Backus, that Blang thing turned out to be a pretty good idea."

Kudos, gripes, suggestions? E-mail dfbackus@aol.com.

Text Only

Glade Sun

We the People: You might be a conservative if...
The United States has fared well with the balance of two political viewpoints, Conservatives and Progressives. Conservatives preserve values and practices that have served to make this a stronger country while Progressives embrace new ideas and policies that can improve on what we’ve accomplished so far. In their role, Conservatives protect the best of America when they:

May 22, 2012
Is #5 Alive?
Perhaps you remember the movie “Short Circuit.” There were 5 robots being developed for the military. One of them, #5, was struck by lightning and he came “alive.” After escaping from his military controllers, he developed a gigantic zest for data. It was quite fun to watch him grow and learn to be human.

May 22, 2012 1 Photo
Board of Directors applications available in June
The Fairfield Glade Community Club Election Committee has announced that two (2) Property Owner Director At-Large positions are open for election in 2012.

May 22, 2012
Memorial Day ceremony set Monday at 11 a.m.
The Cumberland County Veterans Council will sponsor a Memorial Day Ceremony May 28 at the Cumberland County Veterans Memorial Park. The ceremony will begin at 11 a.m. with the Cumberland County Band performing, flag/colors presentation, an incredible singer, guest speakers and a special key-note speaker.

May 22, 2012
Read the latest edition of "The Bulletin"
The Crossville Chronicle-Glade Sun also publishes a newsletter called "The Bulletin" in which you'll find a schedule of Glade activities and events, a restaurant and dining guide, golf information, and even tour schedules. Click here for the latest PDF edition of "The Bulletin."

April 21, 2010 1 Link
Commission vacancy to be filled in August election
Commissioners are faced with addressing the issue of a vacant seat on the Cumberland County Commission after the death of one of their own last week.

May 22, 2012
Ladies Club to award 14 scholarships at annual luncheon
It is time! The year-long efforts by members of the Fairfield Glade Ladies Club dedicated to raising funds for Scholarships will come to fruition at the June 6 luncheon meeting.

May 22, 2012
Lions cleared for third annual reverse raffle
The Fairfield Glade Lions Club has received Tennessee State approval for the Third Annual Reverse Raffle drawing. Ticket price remains at $50 and only 500 tickets will be sold again this year. Three great prizes are being offered for the last numbers drawn.

May 22, 2012
Another Day, Another Week: Anticipating red, ripe tomatoes
Here we are in the middle of the month of May already. I can hardly believe how fast the days, weeks, and months speed by on their way to the end of the year.It seems only yesterday that we were shivering in January and hoping for May.

May 22, 2012
Patches of Life: Elevator exercise and staircase mystery
The Renaissance Hotel in downtown Columbus, Ohio, has a very efficient laundry room. The storage room is quite ample also. The employees are extremely friendly. How do we know? We were there. We were attending the graduation ceremony at the Ohio theatre and had reservations at the Renaissance.

May 22, 2012
More Glade Sun Headlines

Glade Sun

Search Results

ABACKUS COLUMN: We don't Bling, but we could Blang

Site Map

Contact Us