GARY'S WORLD: Who said growing up was easy?

Opinion

October 8, 2009

By Gary Nelson / gnelson@crossville-chronicle.com The Crossville Chronicle Thu Oct 08, 2009, 03:04 PM CDT

Sometimes the funniest moments in your life come when you least expect them. Take the other day for instance. My wife and I were shopping in a local retail drugstore — sorry no free advertising here — the store will remain nameless.

We had to get her prescriptions filled and while we were waiting I picked up one of these gadgets that you can reach and grab stuff with.

It's called either a Gopher or a Reacher.

You hold it in one hand and grab for the item you want that's out of reach, squeeze your hand and it clamps down on the item and lets you bring it within a reachable distance.

I've been fascinated with owning one of these ever since I saw it on the television show "The King of Queens."

Doug Hefernan, played by comedian-actor Kevin James, receives a Gopher for his birthday. Well, he sits around all afternoon playing with the thing reaching for stuff and picking items up. Stuff like the remote control, food, and other stuff. My wife often says I am the person that the character Doug Hefernan was based on. It's hard for me to argue with her over that.

So, I pick up this Reacher in the drug store and start going around and reaching stuff and taking it off of the top shelves.

It was amazing!

I picked up several hard to reach items and handed them to my wife — she didn't really need any of them — but hey, I could reach them!

For a short fella like me you don't know what that kind of power feels like.

After a few minutes, though, I tried to reach a toy doll off the top shelf and it came crashing down and knocked over a bunch of other stuff. I discovered the Reacher works best with items that weigh less than 16 ounces. My wife quickly wandered away from me. I picked all the stuff up and put it back.

A few minutes later I approached my wife and a woman comes up to us.

"Excuse me, sir," the woman says. "Can you tell me where the Benefiber is?"

I started to chuckle and hold back my laughter. My wife looked at me with that "Oh, no" expression on her face.

At this point I realized I had the potential for so much fun here. My options were practically limitless. Not only could I have fun with the product she was asking about, but there were just so many possibilities. My mind raced.

In the heat of the moment, though, with all the thoughts and possibilities running through my mind, I buckled.

I figured I'd save my wife, who wasn't feeling well, the embarrassment of being with me in this situation.

So I buckled under the pressure.

"No, ma'am. I sure don't," I said with a large smirk on my face.

The woman looks at me and stares me down.

"OK," she says.

But she kept looking at me as if she were saying "So, aren't you going to help me find it anyway?"

She waited, staring at me.

I said, "I'm sorry. I don't work here."

My wife then laughs.

It's funny because no less than 500 times have I been mistaken for an employee at a retail store when I'm not really an employee. It happens to me all the time.

"Oh. Well, you just looked official," she said, pointing at my shirt and at the Reacher.

I then noticed every employee in the store was wearing a blue shirt like mine and khaki colored pants like me. Honestly, though, I think the way I was utilizing the Reacher also made my "official" appearance much more convincing.

It was a power feeling I have rarely seen. I could have easily deceived that poor woman and sent her on a wild goose chase wandering aimlessly in search of her Benefiber, but I took the high road and fessed up.

My mom and dad always told me growing up was never easy.

This was the day I knew they were right.

But that Reacher? $23.99. I couldn't justify the purchase, in spite of the power it made me feel. Maybe one day our paths will cross again.

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